New Prada Shoes Send Local Woman to Emergency Room
I just remembered this one. It was a school assignment to write a satire. I complained a lot at first because I didn't know what to write, but once I figured that out, it was pretty fun.
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SAN DIEGO, Calif.- April 24, 2006 – Ella Hyatt, a small-time local actress and waitress at T.G.I. Fridays, tripped yesterday on her brand new, four hundred dollar shoes, and landed in a busy intersection. She was taken to the closest emergency room after having been hit by two cars.
Ella, says friend Carissa Marks, had been saving up for the shoes for two months.
“She was working overtime for those shoes. She got no sleep. Said she needed to wear them to her sister’s wedding. I think she was obsessed,” Carissa said in an interview. “She skipped lunches to add a little extra. Not that she ate a whole lot of them before I guess.”
The salesperson who sold Ella her Prada shoes only confirmed this.
“Ella didn’t look like she had gotten any sleep for a while. She had big dark circles around her eyes. She told me a little about herself. Ella hated her boss at the restaurant, and she couldn’t find any work as an actress. The woman was rambling about becoming famous. Something about spiting her coworkers. And she mentioned how she was saving up her money for shoes to wear to a wedding. Apparently she couldn’t find any other date.”
Ella Hyatt is now in critical condition. However, it is curious to note that the exact place at which she tripped happens to be next to Forever Jewelers.
As one onlooker noticed, “She kept looking back. I couldn’t decide if she was angry or sad or maybe wistful. When I looked back too, all I saw was the April Diamonds display at Forever Jewelers.”
It appears that Ella Hyatt stepped off that fateful curb muttering about a diamond necklace before the heel of her brand-new shoe came out from under her.
And it does not end there. Accounts of Ella’s occupational dissatisfaction seem to be correct. A trip to T.G.I. Fridays revealed Ella to be generally impatient and angry. Customer complaints were a daily occurrence, and Ella had complaints of her own. She was reported as whining too much about not making enough money.
Mae White, the manager at Fridays disclosed that Ella could have been making much more on tips and would have been fired by the end of the month. Coworkers agreed.
“There’s not a lot of ways to describe Ella,” said sister Erin Hyatt. “She’s been chasing after money and fame ever since she watched Cinderella and that magic slipper.”
Further questioning of Ella’s sister revealed Ella to be happy as a child.
“She was always smiling. Yes, she used to be very happy. Then I guess she read too many fairy tales. And somehow or another, it always went back to Cinderella, you know? She told us that one day she was going to be discovered. Then, everything would pay off and she would be a beautiful, rich, famous princess. She said that. It was all about the shoe.”
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SAN DIEGO, Calif.- April 24, 2006 – Ella Hyatt, a small-time local actress and waitress at T.G.I. Fridays, tripped yesterday on her brand new, four hundred dollar shoes, and landed in a busy intersection. She was taken to the closest emergency room after having been hit by two cars.
Ella, says friend Carissa Marks, had been saving up for the shoes for two months.
“She was working overtime for those shoes. She got no sleep. Said she needed to wear them to her sister’s wedding. I think she was obsessed,” Carissa said in an interview. “She skipped lunches to add a little extra. Not that she ate a whole lot of them before I guess.”
The salesperson who sold Ella her Prada shoes only confirmed this.
“Ella didn’t look like she had gotten any sleep for a while. She had big dark circles around her eyes. She told me a little about herself. Ella hated her boss at the restaurant, and she couldn’t find any work as an actress. The woman was rambling about becoming famous. Something about spiting her coworkers. And she mentioned how she was saving up her money for shoes to wear to a wedding. Apparently she couldn’t find any other date.”
Ella Hyatt is now in critical condition. However, it is curious to note that the exact place at which she tripped happens to be next to Forever Jewelers.
As one onlooker noticed, “She kept looking back. I couldn’t decide if she was angry or sad or maybe wistful. When I looked back too, all I saw was the April Diamonds display at Forever Jewelers.”
It appears that Ella Hyatt stepped off that fateful curb muttering about a diamond necklace before the heel of her brand-new shoe came out from under her.
And it does not end there. Accounts of Ella’s occupational dissatisfaction seem to be correct. A trip to T.G.I. Fridays revealed Ella to be generally impatient and angry. Customer complaints were a daily occurrence, and Ella had complaints of her own. She was reported as whining too much about not making enough money.
Mae White, the manager at Fridays disclosed that Ella could have been making much more on tips and would have been fired by the end of the month. Coworkers agreed.
“There’s not a lot of ways to describe Ella,” said sister Erin Hyatt. “She’s been chasing after money and fame ever since she watched Cinderella and that magic slipper.”
Further questioning of Ella’s sister revealed Ella to be happy as a child.
“She was always smiling. Yes, she used to be very happy. Then I guess she read too many fairy tales. And somehow or another, it always went back to Cinderella, you know? She told us that one day she was going to be discovered. Then, everything would pay off and she would be a beautiful, rich, famous princess. She said that. It was all about the shoe.”
posted by Starry-Eyed at 12:51 PM
1 Comments:
I remember this. Mine was all retarded and serious and about the Death Row. Mister Rowan liked it, unsuprisingly.
It wasn't all cool like yours, though.
Cinderella was one of the dumber Disney movies, come to think of it. I never liked Cinderella. She was annoying. And glass slippers are overrated. Diamond slippers, on the other hand....
-Maria
PS. Look, I had nothing to put in the PS! I thought I would just say that, since it is such a momentous experience. Oh, wait....
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